Can you spot the married woman? (Lombok, Indonesia)

If you are a single woman or any woman who travels alone, you will undoubtedly hear these two questions more often than you ask, “where is the toilet?” Sometimes you won’t mind answering them politely; other times you just want to scream, “IT’S NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!”

Rude in one country and customary in the next, these personal questions don’t need to make you squirm. If they really bother you, wear a wedding ring, smile and just lie: my husband and six children are at home, KTHXBYE. But otherwise, try the following responses to get the nosy inquirer to leave you alone.

• I only date cats.
• My husband and children all died in a fiery plane crash and I don’t want to talk about it.
• Are you kidding? I took this trip to GET AWAY from my family. Don’t remind me.
• I hate children and no man will marry me. It’s my body odor.
• I’m really a man. Please move on.
• My parents won’t let me get married until they find the perfect husband for me.
• My husband is in jail. He was arrested for murdering the last man who asked me if I had a husband.
• I have twelve children. Do you want one? I make you good price!
• Neither. I’m what’s wrong with the world. I’m one of those women.
• No, but I have dogs. Want to see their pictures?
• Do you see a ring on my finger? I didn’t think so.
• My husband and children are back at the hotel. They only travel for the free breakfasts.
• Do you think I would have kids with THIS body? Look how perky it is!
• I’m getting married tomorrow. I’m pregnant right now!
• Are you kidding? I have great-grandchildren! I’m older than I look!
• My religion forbids me to marry or have children.
• My babies and my baby daddy are on the next bus. They hate me and I hate them.
• I have a husband but am always looking to add one more. You interested?
• Are YOU married? Do YOU have children? What about dogs? Cats? Any  other dependents?
• My children are back at home working on the farm to survive and pay for my trip.
• No. Want to have sex right now?
• I left my husband in Timbuktu to find another wife for us. I’m sick of cleaning and cooking.
• I have many husbands and many children. We share everything on the commune.
• I’m not allowed to date until I turn 40.